And I do that because my first sponsor that I had made it very clear that I cannot think for myself because my whole life I thought for myself and it’s landed me in a bunch of places that aren’t the best situations. My sobriety day is July 17th, 2019. And, you know, I was supposed to share like what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now. And what it was like and I can sum it up in 60 seconds is, I never really felt a part of ever.

My, this is my stepfather but he raised me. So I have my other real dad, he had two other sons, we did not get along at all. They used to gang up on me when I got a little bit older, I used to beat them up. I had to be in a separate room in a garage at my dad’s house because we just couldn’t get along, right?

And then, you know, my stepdad over here had other kids of his own and so they would come over. I don’t really remember the transition, I think I was too young to remember it but I just remember there was more people involved now and, you know, I mean they’re my brothers today, like we have a really good relationship. But I feel my point of view from when that was happening that I just wasn’t their brothers, right? I was just another kid or something like that, you know?

So I already had this sense of like I don’t belong, you know? My dad is a full-blown alcoholic, he’s very functioning, he goes to work, you know what I mean, he does his thing. So I was able to drink at his house, right? So when I would be at their house during the week, I’d go to my dad’s, I think was it every two weeks, Saturday?

Anyways, I was drinking, right? And I was young, you know, I was a kid. And it was okay there, it was okay there, you know? And I can’t really recall how many times I did that but I can recall the first time I did get drunk, it was when my parents were at their meeting on a Tuesday and my older brother threw a party at the house.

And I remember my brother’s friends being there and I remember drinking tall cans and I remember being absolutely plastered at a very young age. And I got up and went to school the next day, you know? And I remember all of his friends like, oh my God, like it was like cool to them, right? And I almost felt like a sense of acceptance at that point.

As I got a little bit older, you know, I started experimenting with other things and that was it. And I ran with that all the way up until my first introduction with Alcoholics Anonymous. Not that I hadn’t already knew what it was because they were already in program when I was a kid, all the way up until, you know, my drinking and using career got progressively worse. And I was 20 years old at the time.

I had a broken hand. I just ran my truck through a Burger King drive-thru. And he said, how about you try to get sober, right? But I didn’t have anywhere else to go, right?

I was late on rent. Rent was due on the 1st, it was the 19th. The girl that I was living with, not a significant other, was, she was done with me. She wanted nothing to do with me and I don’t blame her.

And so I said, yeah, let’s do it, you know. And so I went over to the Loma Linda. There’s a BMC over there and my good friend Andy took me. And I heard the speaker last night, the opening speaker share about it.

But the amount of alcohol I ingested before going into intake and the amount of pills that I took, it was almost like I was okay if I died that day because I don’t even know how I did it with the amount that I took, you know. And I remember doing the intake. I remember, like, I had to stop the lady. I grabbed the trash can I was throwing up in her office.

And she’s like, man, you’re sick, you know. And I was like, I’ll probably die if I don’t get into somewhere, you know. And so they loaded me up in an ambulance. And before the ambulance, I went into the bathroom and I dumped some of my narcotics in my cast because I still wanted to get high one more time, you know.

And so they checked me in and they’re going through the med list and they’re trying to give me Suboxone, they’re giving me Trazodone. I was like, oh, I don’t need the Suboxone yet, right, because that’s going to interfere with my high that I’m trying to get later. And so I refused it for the first couple of days. And when I tell you it was like 2 in the morning and everyone’s sleeping and I’m in the bathroom trying to get these pills out, right.

And then one falls out, right. And then I’m just, one more time, I’m loaded again, you know. And I did that throughout the whole, pretty much the course. After those ran out, I got on the Suboxone and then I had the outpatient kid bringing me in edibles with marijuana in it.

And I was getting loaded the whole time. When I left there, when it was time for me to leave, I was trying to have one of my friends come and pick me up. And he sent a member of Alcoholics Anonymous to pick me up because I wanted to get loaded one more time before I went into treatment, you know. And that man picked me up with a carton of cigarettes and I was very grateful.

And that started my journey, my own journey into Alcoholics Anonymous, right, in the 12 steps. And I hate to tell you, I didn’t stay sober that time. When I was in that treatment center, I wanted to hang around, you know, the funny guys, the cool guys, right, the people who weren’t programming. And so I messed around the whole time I was in there, you know.

When I left there, I went to a sober living and I was probably sober for about a couple months. And then, you know, once again, I was already hanging out with the losers inside treatment. So I was hanging around the losers inside sober living. And he came home one day and said, hey, you got to try these things, dude.

Like, they’re awesome. They’re from the smoke shop. And I kicked off another phenomenon of craving as it talks about in the book. And I stayed on that and I stayed loaded for a very long time.

And it was justifiable in my own head because I was legally buying it from the smoke shop. I didn’t need an ID to buy it. I didn’t need anything. It was just over the counter.

And so that was fine. And right around that time, I was on my fourth and fifth step. And I had went to the beach with my friend. And we decided to get high again, for real this time, you know.

And my justification was like, oh, this is going to help me get through my first step, you know. So we did it, you know. And at that time, I was an assistant manager at a sober living. They got loaded with me.

And yeah, we just kept getting loaded the whole time we were in there. And I eventually became the house manager of that sober living. And I was loaded the whole time. I was kicking people out for getting loaded.

When I would run out of money, I would take people’s rent money. And I’d be like, oh, I’ll put it back, right. And, you know, I would give them what I needed and I’d put them. It was like the vicious cycle that I was already used to when I was getting loaded, right.

Just this time, I had money to steal this time. I didn’t have to go looking for it, you know. And a couple of years, I met a female. And everything just went downhill.

Moved out of sober living really quickly, right. We were going to go off and get married, right. And, you know, I moved out of that sober living, moved in with my brother. And it just didn’t work out.

And again, very quickly, I found myself loaded again. And it just kept the ball rolling all the way up until 2019. Again, I was covering your ears with another female at this time. And it just, I’ve been in like unhealthy relationships.

But this was like unhealthy, toxic. And I was like thriving in it. Like I loved it. I loved the chaos.

I loved everything that had to do with it. And I just couldn’t stop ingesting things that messed up my life, you know. And so one more time, didn’t work out. I was finishing up some Caltrans work for the Burger King drive-thru incident.

And he took me to court. And he thought I was going to get arrested. I mean, he was like, give me your stuff, you know. And I started handing him my stuff.

And then the judge just goes, hey, like, you know, I need you to get this done, right. Like you’re trying to go into treatment. That’s great. Get this stuff handled and you can go, you know.

And I was so like, I think I was just so scared of the outcome because the past female right, like the route that I went down after that was very scary and it was very dark, you know. And I knew that I didn’t want to feel like that again. And I was honestly tired of it. That’s what the speaker said last night and it clicked with me.

He was like, you’re either tired of it, something happened, or I forget the other thing. And I was just tired of feeling that way. And I was tired of my life because the same thing happens every single time, you know. And so that was it.

I did the Caltrans and then I was in treatment. I went to a sober living and then I stayed there for a week until I got into treatment. And then, I don’t know, like the whole like spiritual thing, the God thing, like for me, when I was in treatment, I was in so much fear. I was just scared.

I was just like, oh my God, like, you know, here I am again, right. Like I landed myself back here again. And it was just such a blessing and like that whole first year of sobriety was just such a journey because there was a lot of like speed bumps, right, that I caused for myself, right. There was a lot of lows and but there was a lot of highs, you know.

And there was a tremendous amount of growth in that first year of sobriety that like the only way I was able to get that done was through my higher power because I couldn’t possibly be willing enough to do that on my own. There was just no possible way. So when I was in treatment, I hung around with the winners this time, right, people who were reading the book, you know, in bed at night. We did a 10-step every day.

We read the, we just read the big book and like we did sober things. We didn’t just go to groups, eat food, and play ping pong all night. Like we programmed, like we programmed, you know. And out of the group that was there, like a little side note, it’s just me and that dude that stayed sober out of like 30 people, you know.

And he had a sponsor, I had a sponsor. I was constantly calling my sponsor. I was constantly talking about my feelings with my sponsor. I still to this day have this big notebook that I used to journal in because he was like you should just journal, bro, even if it’s like mean stuff, like even if you just want to cuss on the, like whatever you want to do, he’s like just write it down in that journal.

And I still have that journal, you know. And I haven’t like popped it open in a long time, but I did when we moved houses. And just to see the stuff that I was worried about, like back then, is just so silly to me, you know what I mean. And when I left there, I went to a sober living.

And my sponsor was like, hey bud, like just stay here for a year. He’s like let’s get you, let’s get you to a year. And I was cool with it, you know what I mean. He told me don’t mess around with any females.

So I did that after month three. I didn’t mess with any females. And I did it, and I was good, you know what I mean. I did what he told me to do.

I stayed to myself. And I program, I went to meetings. I was going to the gym, right. I was making new friends.

I didn’t go to any mixed meetings, right. I just went to men’s meetings only, unless it was a speaker meeting. Because I really wanted to stay sober. I just, I didn’t know how to do it, you know what I mean.

I didn’t know how to do it. That whole first year of sobriety, as I shared earlier, like the ups and downs. There was, you know, job loss, job gain, right. One of my good friends hung himself.

And AA showed up every single day until I was okay, right. I say that, but I say that in the fact of the only reason AA showed up was because I made myself available to the men in my meeting, right. I called them every day. We were on the phone every day.

I drove a box truck for a little bit. And so all I could do was just be on the phone. And it was perfect. It was like everything that I needed in my early sobriety to get me like through that, you know, that stuff, you know.

Now let’s get to like the good parts. So right around nine or ten months, I was pretty antsy to leave sober living, right. I was going to get an apartment. I was going to, I had all these big plans.

Going back to what I said before I started this, like I don’t know how to feed for myself. And my sponsor just said like, you need to just stay there for a year. There’s no rush. You’re good.

You’re fine. And right around my one-year mark, I met my wife, or she met me. She was staring at me at the gym. And you know, I was scared to even remotely think about being in any kind of relationship, right.

Because I don’t know how to be a man. I don’t know how to be a boyfriend, right. I don’t know how to pay for things. I don’t know how to do these things that like boyfriends are supposed to do, right.

Like because I’ve never been one. And man, it was just, it was crazy. It was just crazy. Like we really started dating like at my one-year mark, right.

And like for me, everything in my sobriety thus far has happened to the T. And it’s happened when it was supposed to happen, you know. And before I had met her, I had ran through my steps, right. I had, and I had an establishment in Alcoholics Anonymous in my city, you know.

I’d been doing the same thing constantly up until that one-year mark. And I remember calling my sponsor and like, hey, do you like, this girl wants to go out, like what do I do? And he’s like, just have fun. He’s like, just be a gentleman, bro.

He’s like, you know, don’t be a dog, you know. And I was like, oh my God. Like, you know, you made me wait nine months for this, bro. Like, you know.

And I was like, all right, all right, you know. And you know, we did. And I was respectful to her. And that had been the first time I had been respectful to a woman before.

You know what I mean? Not that it was like hard, but it was uncomfortable in a sense for me. Like, I felt like, I don’t know if I want to do this. I even broke up with her, you know what I mean.

I broke up because I was scared. And I was like, bro, you’re a grown woman. You have your own house. You have a job.

You have a car. I’m driving my dad’s car. I don’t have a real job. Like, I have no credit.

I have $50 in my pocket. I don’t, this isn’t going to work, you know. And I tried not to talk to her for a week. And in that week, I was calling my sponsor.

Five minutes? Ten. Ten. Okay, cool.

Yeah, I have a timer right here, just so I know to shut up. Yeah, I lost my train of thought. Anyways, $50 in my pocket. Just, you have no business being with me at all, right.

And then we got back together. And I just feel like Alcoholics Anonymous gave me that opportunity to be somebody for somebody else, you know what I mean. And whether or not that’s true or not, that’s my belief. And since I’ve been with her, right, and again, I still continue to do the same thing during the week unless work comes up.

I’ve been able to put together a pretty awesome life, you know what I mean. And my current sponsor now, my second sponsor, always likes to install in me, and everything that I have today and everything that I get to do today is a byproduct of Alcoholics Anonymous. Had I not chose to get sober, right, I don’t know where my life would be. And it’d be kind of terrifying to even think about where my life would be, right.

Because I still have friends that I used to get loaded with still doing the same thing, they’re drinking beer in the garage, they’re smoking weed, they’re partying, they’re doing other things. And like, for me, I have no interest in that at all, not a single interest, right. And for me, that is, that’s a god shot, right. Because for an alcoholic like me, I love to stay loaded, I love to stay drunk, I love to do, like, messed up things with people.

And that was my normality for a very long time, you know. So for me to be able to stand up here on Saturday morning at 9 o’clock and share this is definitely a byproduct of Alcoholics Anonymous, you know. I’ve literally, since I’ve, like, like I said, like, everything that’s happened in my sobriety this far is like, boom, boom, boom. Like, I’ve, I’ve done nothing but, like, go up, right.

And I’ve had setbacks, and I’ve had, you know, trials and tribulations to where, like, oh my God, what am I going to do now? But I always fall back on Alcoholics Anonymous, no matter what. Like, no matter what, you know. I think two years ago, I was doing unethical things to make money in Alcoholics Anonymous, right.

And I was, I wasn’t selling drugs, so don’t, don’t, please don’t get offended. But I was doing things selfishly to earn money, right. And I remember I had tried to start a, start a company. And I remember not being able to focus on something that I loved to do, because this was bringing in this kind of money, right.

And once again, I fell back on Alcoholics Anonymous, right. And I made a decision with my sponsor that I was going to, you know, drop this, and do what I love to do, and maybe it’ll work out, you know. And for me, fear has been such a big part of my life, right. I’ve been fearful of everything, everything.

So you could imagine letting go of basically what was a full-time job, right, to not knowing that this is going to work. The amount of fear that I had was crazy, right. But I stayed on the phone with my sponsor, I called my sponsor. I was in meetings, I shared about what I was going through.

And I was able, like I said, I’m able, I was able to put together a good life. You know what I mean, I’m a husband today, right. There’s no way you would have told me five years ago, you’re going to get married, you’re going to be a husband, you’re going to be a business owner, you’re going to have a kid, all that stuff. Like, there’s absolutely no possible way, right.

But it’s a byproduct of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s like, hands down, no matter what, the 12 steps, just, even when I’m just in a room like this right here, whether you’re an alcoholic or Al-Anon, like, I’m okay, I feel okay. You guys are my people, like, I don’t feel, like I can’t walk up to a stranger and just share what I just shared and expect them to be like, oh my God, like, great. They’d be like, what the hell’s wrong with you, you know, what are you doing, you know.

And it makes me really grateful, you know what I mean. I, like I said, I go to my, I’ve been cleaning up the coffee at my Wednesday night meeting for four years. And when I was given that commitment, some of the old timers were like, you are not allowed to drink on Wednesday nights. And that’s all he told me, he’s like, don’t drink on Wednesday nights, we need you here to clean up the coffee.

And just a, like, God shot, man. Like, they just kept re-electing me every single year, bam, bam, bam, bam. And it’s because I’m, I clean up the coffee good, right. I don’t know, I don’t know.

And, you know, at my men’s meeting, I sit around almost over 100 years of sobriety, right. There’s an old timer to the left, old timer to the right, and then there’s a row of old timers right there. And, you know, if I’m not paying attention or I’m messing around, I get a little pat on the back, like, read your book, you know what I mean, you need to do this, you need to do that. And I’ve had the pleasure of the past two years of sitting next to a good friend of mine.

And I tell him all the time, or I try to tell him as much as I can, like, I’m so grateful that you started sitting over here. Because he used to sit all the way in the corner, and I’ve always looked up to him because he’s been doing the same thing for almost 40 years, you know what I mean. Goes in meetings every week, calls a sponsor, he sponsors guys, he does, he does X, Y, and Z. And, you know, for me, I, like, I love when I share about, like, the attraction part, right.

Like, I don’t care what kind of car you drive. I don’t care if you, you know what I mean, I don’t care about any of that stuff. I care that, you know, you’ve had the same life, the same job, right. And, like, if you make mistakes, like, you go back and you fix it.

Because for me, like, I’m real quick to do something that I shouldn’t, and then just keep on walking like nothing ever happened, you know. And then now my side of the street’s not very clean, you know. And I’ve been taught to do that, and alcoholics not, and it’s been, it’s been lovely. I got about three minutes, so I will, also, I forgot to formally apologize to the group.

I do have to leave exactly when I’m done speaking. I have business to attend to. But, you know, I honestly am so grateful that I get to be two hours away from my house, right, speak, and then be able to drive two hours back, and to get back to, like, doing what I love to do, you know what I mean. And that’s literally because I listen, I listen to people on Alcoholics Anonymous, like, I have to, you know what I mean.

This has been, so far, the best five and a half years of my life-ish, you know what I mean. I can’t even express, like, the gratitude that I have towards, like, Alcoholics Anonymous, you know what I mean. And I wish that anybody that, you know, is struggling and do not, I wish that they can at least be in my shoes for one day to see that, like, it’s possible, you know. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works, you know what I mean.

I am sponsoring this kid right now, and I’ll wrap it up with this. And my first sponsor told me, he said, when you get the opportunity to sponsor somebody, they’re probably going to be like you, you know. And it turns out to be pretty identical, you know. He doesn’t want to take direction, right.

And I know that I share that I take direction, I do all that. I always took the direction, but I always fought it for a little bit, you know what I mean. And it’s just crazy, like, we ran through it. We’re on his immense part, but we got, you know, to the meat and potatoes of, you know, the steps.

And just the stuff that he shared with me, I could tell it was something he didn’t want to share with me. And I started getting goosebumps. I started, like, not laughing, but, like, tearing up laughing, because I’m like, dang, dude, like, I was in your spot. I remember sharing my fourth and fifth step with my sponsor in his car at a lake, and I remember dumping all this stuff on him, and then, like, just started crying all over his big book, you know what I mean.

And, like, he just said, like, dude, you have a chance, you know. And I really believe that the way that I did my fourth and fifth step really set me up for success for the rest of my sobriety, you know, because at that point, I was already willing to make amends, right, made all my financial amends, took care of all that stuff. And then, you know, I continue to see if I’m wrong, I do go back and make it right. And then, you know, my spirituality and, you know, helping other people stay sober is just something that keeps me sober every day, you know.

So thank you guys for having us. And thank you for having me. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning. Good morning. All right, I can stuff it.

I’m an alcoholic. My sobriety date is July 19th, 2001. Wow. Family recovery.

You know, I told you I’m an alcoholic. I got a sponsor. I’ve worked the steps. I’m in the steps.

I got a couple of sponsees. I have a home group. I’ve never had, I’ve never lost any of those. If I ever lose one of those, I get loaded.

So I keep those things around. I got an alcohol, oh my God. I’m just overtaken by, by the gratitude, you know. The alcoholism that runs through our family.

Let it out, man. It was deep. It was deep. The kid that walked out of here, I counted five times he was dead.

And that’s, those are five times you don’t even know about. Here’s the deal. First of all, oh my God, I just can’t believe it. I drank.

I got drunk. And I didn’t know how to stop. And from, from 8th grade until about 28. I got here when I was 38, so I’m going to say 28.

We’re on a short time lease. I ran through every, every person. Every family member. Every funding.

Every wife, kid, grandma. Whatever I stole from. I’m a taker. Okay.

I can never give back to Alcoholics and Al and Mr. Al-Anon what you’ve given me in my life. So let’s wrap up what it used to be like. What happened was, people quit giving it to me.

Okay. I mean, I’m the first grandson of two grandmothers that loved and endured me to death. To death. And I stole from both of them.

Okay. I got extradited out of the state of Oklahoma. And the reason I got extradited and I’m not in prison is because of that grandma. And that name.

Okay. Let’s get sober. You know, I have boys. I have five boys.

We don’t have steps or whatever. He’s not my biological son, but he’s one of my sons. And we actually moved in together when we were three. Was he three?

He was five. And he’s dead right. He’s dead right. You know what’s so hard to swallow?

Is everything he said was dead. He was dead to the point. On. With everything.

But we have five boys. She’ll tell the story. We broke up. You know.

We got back together. We broke up. Blah, blah, blah. And then we got back, you know.

And then God gave us a shot again. And we grabbed the boys and we crammed them in a house. And we were happy and they weren’t. That’s the bottom line.

I mean, we’re finally getting to the truth, you know. And we were doing AA. I was doing AA. And she was doing Al-Anon.

Kind of. You know. Kind of. We were going to me, but we weren’t bringing home spirit child.

We were going to meetings and saying, don’t drink no matter what. And we were grabbing our kid by the face. Fucking learn how to throw the fastball. You know what I mean?

So. Yeah. So we got, you know. That’s kind of the nutshell.

And then it got better. You know. And then it got better. And then.

Sponsorship. I’ve never been without a sponsor. One of my. The guy that got me sober five years in decided he was going to quit.

I went the next week and got a sponsor. I didn’t shop for him. I didn’t look for him. I was just following your direction.

It said you got to have a sponsor. So I got another guy. I wrote him for about ten years. And then I got another guy.

And you know what? I’ve always had someone to call. I’ll call Synonymous and Al-Anon and family groups. There’s always someone to call.

If you’re willing to pick up the phone. You know. What happens is we feel like. We feel like we got all the answers.

And. So. We got sober. The kids.

We got five boys. They’ve all graduated. Okay. Miracle.

Listen. I wish I could tell you how to pardon that. I was a part of the ride. I was a part of the ride.

You know. The backbone. The macriarch of our family. Is up next.

I’m not trying to put her out of the spot. But at the end of the day. We’re driving. And we’ve had some bumps.

We’ve had back surgery. We’re driving. And man. My wife.

She don’t stop. Man. I had back surgery. I’d be milked to that mother for two years.

I ain’t going to A. A. I don’t got to do that. I mean.

You know. I’m a typical alcoholic. You give me an inch. I’m going to make it work.

All the way to the other side. You know what I mean? And we were just driving. And you know.

One of my. I’m not going to go back. But back when I was running and gunning. Back in the 70’s.

You could run into rehab. Hide out. Go back to court. Get out of jail.

I’m done. I grew up here. I didn’t remember that. She did.

They don’t forget. You know. I know we’re running a little short today. But we can write a whole book.

On the stuff that’s not in the book. She’s always been by my side. Ride or die. You know.

I just know. How grateful she is. That one of her sons. Is doing the program the right way.

Today. Now we’ll say it every day. We go home. Man you stick around.

You’ve unlocked our lives. Shit happens man in a 24 hour increment. What that kid’s not telling you is. He got married.

Sober. What he didn’t tell you is. He’s having a baby. Sober.

What he’s not telling you is. He’s a workaholic. And he’s fearful of failing. Sober.

What he’s not telling. Whatever you gotta do. You gotta make this happen. Cause like this is a big deal to your mom.

And the rewards you will get out of this. He’s on his way to cook. His business is blown up. It’s like not.

I mean Christmas. We’re booking Christmas now. Like do we get an hour at Christmas? No matter what he works.

And he’s obsessed with working. Cause he’s afraid to fail. I talk to him every day. I work about 4 miles from his house.

And he’s working. He’s turned his house into a kitchen. Tell him I’m just gonna stop. Once that baby gets here.

You keep rolling bro. You roll as long as you can bro. I mean sooner or later. Anyway enough on him.

But. We got sober. We got married. Family recovered.

You know I’m a thief. I told you I’m a thief. Somebody said that the wife’s gotta go to Al-Anon. For you to make it.

So like I take what I want. And I leave the rest. And I came home and told her she needed to go to Al-Anon. And she did.

And she stayed. That’s the true story. That’s what happened. She didn’t go willingly.

I didn’t go willingly. She got involved with some people. Nothing from the neck up. That’s sobriety in our house.

I know we’re out here in Santa Clarita. I know it’s 2024. And we’re changing the vocabulary. And all that.

I know it’s California. But in my house. My 20 minutes. Nothing from the neck up.

No mushrooms. No funny candy. No gummy bears. No funny leaves.

If she needs to go to the gym. You go home and say you’re sorry. That’s my recovery. Alright now.

I was talking to my son last night. And the big book says we do not give advice. We are not. On a spiritual one.

It also says selflessness. Self-centered and driven by hundreds of forms of fear. Fear is a great motivator. It’s okay to be a little scared.

I’m a little sick in some areas. But I like a little fear. It brings out the best in you. You know.

Fear of what? Somewhere in the last year or two man. The word God is everything. Or God is nothing.

That’s stuck in my brain. Listen to me. I’m just this bread on this sandwich you’re getting today. You got the bread.

You got some bread. The beef’s coming. The recovery that you’ve just seen in my life. Those are direct results of the program.

Alcoholics Anonymous at Al-Anon. Lately I’ve been doing a lot more Al-Anon. Because my wife’s had a couple medical issues. And she freaking over commits.

She’s chairman and super chair. I’d like to thank my friends for coming out from Corona this morning. Getting up having a cup of coffee. First of all I’d like to thank you for spending time with each other.

So you can have some time. And go back home. Because that’s the gift. You don’t get it sitting at home.

I don’t get it on Zoom. I didn’t drink on Zoom. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. And I’m really old school redneck. Old fashioned man. See this.

This is what I wore to my high school prom. Finally they got some shoes that don’t hurt my feet. But I’m real rigid. And I have to learn to be flexible.

Most importantly I have to learn to let God in. Now we spoke with 500 people. We spoke with half the room women. And bilinguals.

Not bilinguals. Deaf. We spoke with 20 people. It’s the same message.

It’s the same deal. Do you know what I mean? Whenever me and my wife load up the car. To go do 12 step weekend.

Dude there’s always obstacles. Like man. And I’m always like let’s just cancel. I’m always looking at the easier.

I don’t know about you. But I’m looking for the easier softer way. Less damage. Less financial.

Less this. Less wear and tear. You know boom. I don’t have to waste my cleaning.

My wife’s off now. We came down on it. And I’m going to tell you in the last 10 years. I really got to know my wife.

The same lady I’ve known since she’s 14 years old. I didn’t know that lady. You know since COVID. COVID and our car accidents.

And our stuff. There’s no one left. It’s me and her. And I got this little sick head.

I get voices. You know I listen to Kid Rock. And he talks to me. You know what I mean.

I listen to my mother. And she talks to me. I listen to my wife. And she talks to me.

And now I listen to my head. And I say just do the right thing. You know what I’m saying. I’m very open with my sponsors.

There’s not a lot of confidentiality. There’s not a lot of anonymity with my sponsors. I got seven of them. They’ve been around.

If a new one I gradually move them into the family circle. But most of my sponsors know I’m on speaker. And most of them know my wife’s not real far away. All right.

I mean because I. That’s how it is. She knows my guys. They know her.

They love her. She loves them. If one of them starts flaring up she says he’s tripping. You know.

I was talking to one this morning. Been with me for 17 years. Start telling me about some stuff. I put him on speaker.

And I’m saying I gotta shave twice as much as I used to. I don’t know what it is. The white is coming out and grows. You know what I mean.

So my wife’s big on that. She’s like. So I shaved. I was cooling off.

And he was rattling. And she came in and looked at me like you gotta go. And I told him what was going on. And the biggest gift I get to do.

Is listen to another alcoholic. Stop my busy self-centered life. And listen and give back. You know what I’m saying.

He’s got a birthday coming up. And it’s a big deal. Because he’s one of those ones. And the one that left here.

And there’s some stuff that goes along with DNA recovery. Recovery means you can’t cut. Your cataract converter off. And turn it into the instruments.

Because it’s bad. Everyone else does it. But we can’t do it in AA. Because it’s lying.

Tax man. Come on at least everyone lies to the tax man. It’s lying. It’s like murder now that you’re in AA.

Lying is like murder. You know what I mean. But we try to practice these principles. In all our affairs.

I couldn’t tell you. How grateful I am to watch my son. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. To sit in the front row.

And watch it work. He’s going to give us our 13th. 12th grandchild. We got 12 grandkids.

Those 5 boys. And 4 daughter-in-laws. Have went off and just. Pow.

Laughing. Laughing. You know our friends got 2. Laughing.

And 3. Laughing. I’m sorry sports fans. But you know.

We have 12. Laughing. And every one of them think. That they’re the first one.

Laughing. No one gets more excited about the grandchildren. Than she does. It’s like a national holiday.

You know what I mean. And after 12 of them. The routine. 10 minutes to go.

Laughing. Laughing. This young lady came into our lives. And she’s calling me.

She’s checking me out. Laughing. I’m like bro. You got to get to a year.

No relationships the first year. Take that home to your people. Why? You don’t know who you are.

You might get rid of one. That you wanted to keep. You might keep one. That you might want to get rid of.

Don’t sell yourself short. Laughing. You know. He went J.

A. He was dead 5 times. Laughing. Laughing.

I seen him in the back of a police car. He had long hair. And he drove his truck off the 15th freeway. Down the Burger King convictment.

And crashed into a tree. It was national news in Norco. We’re from Norco. Norco’s not real big.

You got about a 5 mile square. Laughing. It’s going down in Norco. It’s probably involved.

Laughing. That’s how it was back in the day. If there was a fight or a mistake. Or a party or something.

OX is probably involved in it somewhere. My other kid was moving in. And we got the word that this one drove his truck off. In the Burger King thing.

He was arrested in the back of the police car. And his hair was hanging down. He put his head up. And the police officer said.

I don’t know that man. I was trying to get him out of jail. I don’t know that man. That’s how high he was.

And I had to tell my wife. She came home from work. The good and the bad about being mean. The good and the bad.

Laughing. I cannot not tell her. We don’t have secrets. She came in the other night.

She had so many secrets. I said we can’t do that. Promise is done. She told me what it was.

It’s not that big of a deal. Do you understand? But the problem is. We don’t keep secrets.

We don’t lie to each other. We shoot up and show up. Okay. Great.

What a good little convention. We’ve been the big ones, little ones, middle ones. The ones we were okay with. It’s always good for us.

For our mental, physical, spiritual. We’ve seen the women with children last night. There was girls running in. My son was licking.

Playing with the girls hair. There was newcomers. The gift is to come back next year. The newcomers got a year.

Do you know what I mean? The magic. I don’t know what it is. It’s never been better in my life.

I’ve lost my mother. My brother and sister don’t speak to me. I’m the black sheep. I’ve always been the black sheep.

I’ve tried to make amends. But I got alcoholics and homies. I’m able to be a husband today. I’m able to be employed.

I’m going to go talk to CalPERS next Monday. They called me. They said, you’ve got to make some arrangements. You’re 60.

I’m like, shut the front door. Really? You know what I mean? I screwed that up.

I got an evaluation from my boss when I was gone. I didn’t have to go do the evaluation. She said, I’ll email it to you. Just sign.

You’ve got all exceptions. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? Not to say that I’m going to rest on my laurels.

That motivates me. But Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me to be employed. They taught me to pay the rent. You pay the rent.

She’s going to tell you about the rent here next hour. You pay the rent. Do you know what I mean? I used to take her money and we didn’t pay rent.

So then we had to move. We had to start all over again. Alcoholics Anonymous is going to let you pay the car tax. I know that doesn’t mean steal the neighbors.

That means go and give them $375 and they give you a little tag. Every time I do that I go, it was so easier when I was a kid. Do you know what I’m saying? I mean the tag we’re doing, you call into a grocery store and you’re like, done.

And you drive around. I’m 60 years old. Trust me, I wasn’t supposed to be here. I’m one of the lucky ones.

Bill and Bob, I’m going to say this for you, man. The legacy of Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the reasons I stayed doing it is because I got 13 grandkids. You know it’s coming. You know it’s coming.

And I see these guys. I see these grandpas and I see the grandkids. Because the kids, they don’t like us. They don’t want to hear us.

They don’t want to do us. They don’t want to be like us. Squares. The grandkids, they’re coming.

They’re going to double down. They’re going to come back. They’re not going to have nowhere to go. They’re going to call who?

They’re going to call grandma. Because they’re going to be mad at mom and dad. They’re going to be mad at them. I’m going to call my grandpa.

I’m going to call my grandma. See and then there’s that 18 number. Once you turn 18, I’m a happy people pleaser. I want you all to be happy.

I want you to be happy. I want you to be happy. And I’m okay not being happy if you’re happy. I got issues.

Do you understand? I do. And you know, I’m so sorry I’m all over the map today. I had no idea watching him this time around was so emotional on me.

You know, the next time we speak he’s not going to run out of room. I sold him on this one. Next time he’s got to stay and he’s got to endure this shit like I do. My sobriety date is July 19th of 2001.

His is July 17th. So there’s a lot more. He’s Hispanic and I’m white. The biggest fight we ever got in was he put a Mexican flag up in my garage.

He wanted to represent his heritage. And I was so naive and so blinded by his feelings I made a big deal about it. Beginning of the year my best friend had me we drove to Cabo. He bought a new truck and he was moving home and me and my buddy in AA drove to Mexico and he called and said grab me the flag you tore down in 1974 and bring it home.

Hey listen man, I hope you guys have a great weekend I appreciate you letting me participate in my recovery and stick around it’s going to get really good really fast. If you want to know a reason to be in service in this program I would say Lisa who lives in Norco and I who live in Ventura would have ever met each other and we have the honor and privilege of serving on many many conventions together so we’re just going to love Lisa like we all do and here’s Lisa. Is this supposed to go like that? Or do you want it covered up?

No it should still pick up I know Alec was flipping it I’m like oh lord have mercy I can still hear my first sponsor saying they’re not a reflection of you and me saying the hell they’re not and the things I hated when I was new in this program Good morning my name is Lisa I’m a grateful member of Alabama It is a gift and a pleasure Kathy and Lynn for asking us again yes I did tell that boy that left here yeah you might want to call your sponsor on that because you’re not saying no this time we get to participate in our recovery today and you know sometimes I probably should say no with the amount of commitments that I say yes to but you know I said it in my chairman letter being the AFG chairman this past year man there’s no amount of money no amount of anything that could give me the life that I have today because of Alabama and so the only way I do is give back and I love every minute of it you know I know that I always get super nervous when I speak and I remember my first sponsor telling me you’re going to get up there and you’re going to speak whether it’s 5 people whether it’s 250 people and you’re there for yourself and one other person and if that has touched someone then we’ve

been of service to God in our programs and that I am grateful for you know what it was like I want to thank Jared and where did Jared go thank you for coming and driving all this way to support us I always let everybody know what’s going on in my life and my chain of sponsorship and his too I always like to have accountability and that’s where I was taught since I was new and being accountable prior to program I wasn’t accountable prior to program I ran my own show I did my own thing covered up for the alcoholic stole for the alcoholic did everything for the alcoholic because I didn’t know any better and for some reason the piece of literature that you read this morning I don’t know that I’ve read that you know Sam said it last night you don’t know the difference in having a child in this disease versus all your other loved ones is I can’t even tell you but for the grace of God his smart mouth telling me that if I’m going to run with you you’re going to run with me you’ve got to go to Al-Anon that I did just to spite him but for the grace of God I stayed because there’s no way with these boys that I would have made it without it especially that one our oldest one that you know gave

us a run for our money he’s a lot more street smart than this one was and not that we didn’t worry about that one too and the other one is such a raging blackout drunk man anyways I’m not going to be able to tell at all so I’m going to do this real quick what happened, what it was like, what it’s like today I met him at 14 in high school and I fell in love with him immediately, absolutely immediately but I wasn’t we were just friends, he didn’t like me in the way that I liked him and fast forward a little bit you know I he played football, I was a song leader we went to Ontario High School I was going to practice and I started my stuff across the football field my little dolphin shorts I got rid of the glasses and got contacts and I developed a little bit and I watched him walk me across that football field and our journey started from there I was somebody he was attracted to along with a lot of other females from other high schools around I was still one of them and you know that’s just part of the journey with alcoholism he had already kicked off his addiction in high school I didn’t know anything about that you know fast forward we graduated, I got pregnant with our older son I gave

him an ultimatum to marry me before our son was a year we went to Las Vegas my family hated his guts they weren’t at our wedding in Vegas I had some friends and his mom and family I begged him not to use drink the whole can, just one just for this 24 hour period can you not drink, can you not use he had money that he inherited gotten I think, I don’t know, we went over there with $10,000 to Vegas the best man, the maid of honor my best friend, maid of honor his best man and the groom barely made it to the wedding because they were up all night partying and drinking and he had blown that $10,000 in that 24 hour period before I got married and I had to run a hot check to get us home that’s how our journey the first time started some of you know my summaries, some of you don’t this is my first and my second husband I’ve only been married twice I remember in a meeting sharing about getting married to him and this newcomer came up and goes why, why would you marry him again and I just said you know what, sweetheart just keep coming back more shall be revealed you know what I was always in love with him and the reason I wasn’t in love with him was the drug addiction and the alcoholism and

the destruction and I’ve done a couple four steps with a few sponsors and the destruction, the violence when we were married the first time he contributed to that and most definitely once my husband started drinking and the outside substances would kick in he would be gone for days and I’m at home taking care of our son by ourselves I had to make sure that I paid rent and bills before he would he knew when I got paid before the money would I mean it was just this juggle all the time but the minute he would come home from being on a run, it was on I mean I was waiting for him and it was ugly most of the violence and the destruction holes in walls, all of that was a direct result of my rage and anger I rage to alcoholism I’m furious with alcoholism I am not I am not a suicidal al-anon I’m more of a homicidal al-anon I am very much ready to fight ready to whatever I mean it didn’t matter that he was drunk or loaded don’t fight with a don’t fight with a drunk, don’t fight when they’re loaded you know that isn’t me, I’m not afraid the rage that comes over me, I become someone that I don’t know and the destruction that was left behind in most of those homes is a result of my actions my reaction

to alcoholism, not his my oldest has a scar above his eye as at Christmas he came home drunk and we started the minute he came in the door, there I go and we’re fighting and he tripped over wrapping paper and hit his head on the corner, he was one you know our home, we are loud, violent rageful people we don’t know how to do things quietly even in sobriety sometimes not quietly we definitely don’t go out to dinner with all of the family anymore, there’s too many of us now but even when we were in programming we’d go out to dinner with the boys for one of their birthdays he would be at one end of the table and I’d be at the other end of the table and once the boys started talking shit it was like where’s the chat, we gotta go because they would fight you know, I had I remember at Thanksgiving I had some Al-Anon people over in sobriety and they’re out in the street, the boys are doing just fine playing football, this guy decides he’s going to play football with them before you know it, shirts are off, screaming yelling and this friend of mine like literally in awe, looking at him and five boys just going at it, and I looked at her and said you thought I was lying in the shit I told you

I’m not lying, this is my family and they’re my family and I love them dearly and because of this program I have relationships with all of them and they’re definitely not perfect they’re definitely not what I want them to be you know, before Al-Anon and Tools I made decisions that were not good decisions and they harmed my children it breaks my heart to hear him when he shares about not feeling a part of it hurts but you know what, we’ve all done things in this program that we’re not proud of we have all done things that harmed our loved ones I never harmed them well, let me take that back, I think twice he got hit once because he called me a name that wasn’t and I laid him out on the floor in the garage our oldest one I think called me the lovely C word in the car and I he got my left hand hook and kicked him out of the car so there have been a couple times but most of it was emotional harm that I caused my children you know, I know today that that’s not the woman that I am I don’t hold that guilt anymore it definitely still grabs at my heart when I hear him share but you know anyways, I need to get forward here you know, I got to Al-Anon and I wasn’t all hop, skip and a jump, I hated

all the slogans I hated everything that you guys had to say absolutely, I wasn’t like how do I do this, what do I do I just knew that after a big, huge fight with him after the holidays and he’s sober and we’re raging, fighting in the kitchen and I threw a Pyrex dish at his head and I put a hole in the wall and I felt like all the blood drained out of me, I’m like how did everything that we went through years and years ago when we were married the first time come back that quick in a heartbeat and I went to a Sunday night meeting and I talked to the woman that I ended up asking to be my sponsor and she said, you’ve always been affected by alcoholism you just didn’t know any better you shut it all down over those years so this fight that was just like the ones you guys had years ago that’s what brought it back that quick you know, like I said, I didn’t I think I argued everything with my sponsor I wanted to know why do I have to do this why doesn’t he have to do this why is it always about what I got to do just on and on and on and my sponsor got so tired of that with me she finally said, God, Lisa your life can’t get any worse than it already is can you just try one thing just start

with one and I’m like, okay so I started with one I took a commitment and a meeting and then it went from there then it went to, you know how it goes it just goes I started working with others I started working the steps I have always been involved in services and I don’t know that I’ll ever stop I didn’t know that I was going to be okay doing this today I’m 8 weeks post spinal fusion surgery and I had no idea that I was going to have it when they asked but I knew I wasn’t going to not miss what gives me the life that I have today anyways fast forward you know I have it was the first time that I had an understanding of what the alcoholics go through and it was the first time that I had really that compassion for the alcoholic he’s out in the garage he’s nearly sober he was 2.5 years sober when we got back together and then he relapsed so I just turned 23 this past January and he turned 23 in July and that’s the reason I came first and how that all worked he was out in the garage he wasn’t coming home watching TV I’m thinking he’s sober in my head that normal life you should have when they’re sober not sometimes things have been worse than sobriety sometimes than the disease but I couldn’t

understand he was always in the garage and it was driving me crazy and I called my sponsor and she’s like if you want him go in the garage so I didn’t like that whole go in the garage kind of thing but at midnight he looked at his watch and said oh cool I got another day and he’d shut it down and go to bed and it was that aha moment he’s not out there to piss me off which is what my head’s telling me he’s out there keeping his hands and his feet moving so he’s not out there drinking and using and after that it isn’t that I still was like but I got a little bit better and I started taking more direction and I’m grateful for the foundation that I had when I was new because if I would have had more of the softer touch kind of way I probably wouldn’t have stayed I needed it the way I needed it and I’m forever grateful for it the boys real quick we have an amazing marriage today and we only have that because of what we do driving up here even before we left my husband’s a rager we had lots of raging ugly fights in sobriety for a long time I wouldn’t let him drive because he’d go to dirt roads and spin out and fight ugly it was horrible I almost left him on the 10 freeway one time in recovery

he’s upset he does that breathing it drives me crazy I still cringe when people are opening coke cans he still drinks soda alcoholically he just downs it he mixes this stuff before he goes to the gym apple cider it’s all kinds of stuff I told him the other day you’re such an alcoholic he’s got to have a protein drink before he goes to the gym he’s got to have everything else just like an alcoholic everything is still in sobriety he does alcoholically we laugh about it today it took me a while to get there he’s doing that huffing and puffing we’ve got a two hour ride sometimes I have to speak up is there something we need to talk about before we get going I don’t want him driving it’s not good I definitely speak up way differently than I used to there are non-negotiables with me there are things I still stand for we live in a home of recovery today I have beautiful dishes in my kitchen cabinet I have silverware in the door today I don’t have pictures on walls covering up holes for me and my raging anger of alcoholism it’s non-negotiable in my home it’s been like that ever since I got into program and with the boys that’s where I’m going to get to three out of the five boys are alcoholic

addicts this one is the only one doing the deal today he did recovery for a long time he did it well him and a couple of other young people started young people in AA out in Corona he was really involved with Icky Pa and all that stuff and now he’s not and now there’s his wife when you’re reading the part about grandkids I don’t know what they’re doing and I worry about them but I’m more worried about my grandkids and it’s super hard I’m like to my sponsor I had to let go of kids and now I gotta let go of grandkids I’m like you’re killing me here with this shit I love when my sponsor always says would you rather be right or would you rather be happy the first time she said that to me I said well I think I deserve to have both I don’t think I should have to choose because I’m always right don’t you know that the journey with these boys has been a journey beyond anything that I ever pain wise that journey of pain and a parent with children out in the streets and not knowing if they’re alive or dead that unknown number that pops up who is that who’s calling me to tell me something bad because I always thought it was something bad or it was one of them one more time giving me some BS story

the reason they needed money for a long time I didn’t answer my phone because I just couldn’t because I hadn’t built up the strength enough yet to be able to tell them no and then it got to the point that I no longer wanted to watch my children kill themselves in front of me I had to work through a lot of writing with a sponsor I had to work through a lot of praying and a lot of realizing the first time really knowing that I’m absolutely powerless over the disease of alcoholism and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to get them to stop I have sponsored a lot of parents in this program and I have watched other parents wipe themselves out financially one more time another rehab one more time another sober living and one more time one more time and they’re broke and I know today that nobody in our life is going to get sober until they’re ready to get sober and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop that and when I realized that that’s when my program started getting a little bit stronger with them he wanted to always bring them home and I think after one time kicking them out we let them all come back home one time and after that I’ve got one dealing drugs with remote controls you

know pulling up and our sons going out and grabbing a remote control and a game out of there and we’re like what is going on I know exactly what’s going on he is like oh so and so it’s a new game we’re going to play later on when we kicked him because him and the other one were living with us at the time when they both had a big fight and they got kicked out for the last time and he went to go clean out the room and I said open those controllers open those games some of them had drugs in it but some of them didn’t but you could smell it especially with the weed you know he always they’re just little boys that’s what he used to say they’re just little boys you know this one right here he got lost in Vegas I didn’t know about and I used to tell him all the time please don’t tell me I don’t want to know please don’t tell me I don’t want to know please try to pick up the phone before you wreck yourself because once you I had one that she didn’t call me until the next day and went looking for her daughter and found her at a strip joint stripping and she was mortified the next morning and I said sweetheart did you at some point think of calling me I mean there was more to the story yeah my

daughter said something about that but you know she was just in the fit of I got to fix her I got to save her and I said you know what honey I can now not help you get that image out of your mind that’s why we say pick up the phone before you wreck yourself because we don’t have all the answers but we’re going to help you calm down and reason things out that maybe you’ll make a different decision maybe you’ll think about do you want that visual for the rest of your life if that’s the last time you see your daughter so I didn’t want to see a lot of stuff and I didn’t want to hear a lot of stuff either and when he got lost in Vegas I knew he wasn’t coming back I just knew that he wasn’t coming back and I took an extra life insurance policy out that we had an option to do with children at a job that I was working at the time but for the grace of God he came back as you heard but for the grace of God he is sober today but for the grace of God but for the grace of God he’s going to be a dad in April you know that boy told me after one of the times in between sober and not sober because he’s tried a few times he said you know I don’t want to be a dad mom I don’t want to have kids because

I don’t want someone I don’t want a child that’s going to turn out like me ah that like ripped me out of my head just like ah I cannot wait to see him hold his baby for the first time I’m going to share a spiritual story it’s become part of my story because it’s super important Sam talked last night too about spiritual experiences and um you know this is one that is all God there is no other reason other than why you know he was newly sober and we had gone to a credit union to um consolidate some loans that we had and my husband had already been talking to her about you know what he does for a living he works for the county of Riverside you know he’s a behavioral mental health specialist but it’s like a drug and alcohol counselor that’s who he works with it’s parolees and alcoholics and addicts and um I don’t know this day she just decided to say you know you guys might know my brother you know he’s in recovery and does meetings in Riverside it was overwhelming, emotional I looked at my husband and I said is that him? and he said yes and I started crying and this poor lady across she’s like here’s some Kleenex are you okay? did I say something wrong? and um I said no sweetie I’m going

to tell you a story I said about 13 years ago my husband wanted to bring home an alcoholic who needed a place to stay because he had brought other strays home and they had ripped us off and I said you can’t do that anymore but you can put him up in a hotel for the night or even two if we’ve got the money and I said 13 years ago my husband put an alcoholic in a hotel and that person was your brother and now your brother is sponsoring my son that was so I told my mom I got him let go you see this program has told me that since the very beginning with all my loved ones let go get out of their way let go get out of their way Lisa try something new your life can’t get any worse than it already is all those things that I’ve been hearing that one moment that I needed God to show up he did because I was worried he wasn’t going to make it again one more time that was just such the most overwhelming comfort spiritual feeling and I would have only felt that because of this program I will deviate from this program I don’t sugar coat anything in this program I’m very real and very honest I’m very transparent about my life anybody that knows me knows that about me because no one sugar coated it for

me because this disease is cunning and baffling and just as deadly for us as it is the alcoholic you cannot save your loved one what you can do and they said this to me when I was new and I say this to new people that I sponsor as well I can’t promise you that your loved one is going to get sober but I can promise you if you do this deal and hold my hand I’ll walk this journey with you and one day at a time you will have a life for you bigger and better than you ever dreamed of despite the disease of alcoholism you can do this I used to feel so guilty I hate it happy joys and free it made me when someone would say that it was like nails on a chalkboard I’m like my kids are in the streets I don’t even know where they are and you want me to be happy joys and free I had some few things to say behind that I always had something to say behind that I’m so grateful that I surrendered to a new way of life because I do have a new way of life today better than I ever thought I could because I suited up at a certain point I did shut up and I listened and I took your direction and my god my life is amazing it isn’t perfect but it’s the best life that I’ve ever had because of regardless of what

all these boys have done regardless of anything he’s done my life I live for me today and I am beyond grateful for that thank you so much for allowing me to be here thank you so much thank you so much Kathy was kind enough to color coat this thank you in closing I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them thank you